Here we were in New England again. We started things off right, owning our dream house, in our dream location. As I said before Thor had to leave a career behind in Mid Atlantic and our one difficulty being in New England was financial problems from Thor’s inability to continue with his career path. He got miscellaneous jobs here and there. Seasonal employment and odd jobs was all that really existed in our new resort community; that put a strain on our relationship. Taking on a new (pretty substantial) mortgage; nursing was good to us, and I am so thankful that I took on that career path. It still was not enough for the three of us and next thing you know when you have financial difficulties, you have arguments. We were living paycheck to paycheck, unknown if Thor would have a paycheck. Mads would invert even more into his room and causing ruckus at school. John and I still having a good relationship, started to toy around with the notion of Mads moving in with him. At that time I had taken on a weekend Baylor nursing job (for those of you that don’t know, weekend Baylor nursing jobs consist of just working weekends and getting paid and benefits for full time work) so John and I started talking about a more joint custody with Mads, I had offered for him to have every weekend with him, we would split holidays as agreeable. The result was John taking Mads 3 weekends a month and we split holidays (which he would mostly have).
Our financial difficulties came to a breaking point of sorts when we were given a gift of family vacation by my parents. They bought the rooming and flights meaning we were taking on the rest. Thor and I were having lots of arguments around the house from stress from the extra financial burden. A part of me just wanted to call it quits on the vacation until I had confided in my parents my stresses (at the time Thor and I were on the verge of separation) and asked if I could use their credit card to put money down on the vacation and would pay them back, and they agreed. This turned out to be a really bad decision though. Thor and I decided just before the vacation that we would use that time to work on each other, I had again entrusted this information to my parents. I had no idea that my trusting them and needing to talk was just boiling inside both parents (they seemed to love Thor and hate him all at once, which was true for all the relationships I have ever had.) I was always close with my Mom, and I am the kind of person that feels that if I can’t be honest about something I am doing something wrong. It would be normal to have difficulties in your relationship when other stressors are present. I think my parents saw it as a way to come between us and get me back so to speak. They hated that we moved away with their grandson, and that I was away. So this happened a day before leaving on vacation.
We got to the vacation and started off pretty good. Oh man though, I can’t believe the tension that I could feel in the air. I felt tension from Thor because he was embarrassed that I shared the fact that we were having difficulties, with my parents and now stuck with them. Thor felt it from my parents, as they felt he wasn’t trying hard enough as a man. I even noticed it from my parents because I was trying to work things out with Thor, and they felt I would be better off without him. Luckily, Mads was doing great seeing everyone having fun, he went from room to room, he was just happy. I know he could feel some tension but that didn’t stop him.
As I mention previous I did not feel comfortable with identity here so I am trying to get my point across without being too specific. This vacation was where everything went sour. It will be a difficult and emotional topic for me, so I will end this post here. I really have to think about how I will approach and word this subject. I will not change important details and story is and will continue to be true, just changing names of those involved, and leaving out details only if it would compromise identity. Thanks for understanding and reading J
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